I will ruin myself against you

I used to be upstanding, outstanding

Hip, cool, a cracking whip
struck low by a half-pint chanteuse
in a polka dot dress and cherry red lipstick
A dime store clerk in a $20 dress
stressed for success
She hangs her head, convinced of a failure
of an intention not begun
An intention still born, dead

CHORUS
I will ruin myself against you
I will drag myself through filth
I will slay a dragon for you
I will give you all my wealth

My walls will tumble through you
my walls will tumble down
like soldiers standing at attention
for so long they fell asleep, they fell down
******************************

I want to cut our connection
I want to get past you
But I’m convinced the only way to escape
is to drive this truck on through you

Terrified of a half-pint girl in a $20 dress
in 10 years she’ll be blistered
by one too many of everything
convinced of her vulnerable invulnerability
Onto the next one month, one week, and one night stand

She just wants someone to hold her
to make the shaking stop
to make her feel like she’s something other
than someone’s else’s conquest, someone’s else’s notch
CHORUS
I will ruin myself against you
I will drag my tongue on through
I will lay this line down for you
I will fight all those who cross

My walls will tumble through you
my walls will crash down
like soldiers standing at attention
until they all fall down
=======================

And you ask me what are my intentions
as if all my intentions were bad
and I say, ‘Don’t treat me like that
We’ve come too far for you to treat me like that’
And I stumble blindly with my heart in my hands
My heart shredded and maimed
from one to many beatings and one night stands
My savage heart is beaten, my savage heart is tamed
And you a nymphet with agile hands
blindfold and lead me to the killing ground
an abbreviated ending to an exaggerated life
kneel me down, cut off these rude hands
And there you are, having one too many of everything
And here I am asleep
listening to my fading heart beat
Looking in opposite directions, you to the future, I to the past
and falling asleep.

Goodbye to good riddance
Goodbye to foreign lands
Goodbye to chastity and one night stands
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
CHORUS
I will ruin myself against you
I will drag the bodies away
I will slay a nightmare for you
I will drain my health away
I will cry your tears
I will take your blows
I will sing your song
I will crown you queen
I will tuck you in
I will caress your skin
I will taste your tongue
I will heal your hurts
I will give you shelter
I will lay you Lo
I will carry you to heaven
I will carry you in my arms

I will run forever
I will run forever
I will run till you tell me to stop