Shooting Star

I carve a painful sonnet down the curve of her back
For a love I have never spoken, written once then erased
I can’t compete with rockstars
their faces plastered on mtvs and rolling stones
they paint a throttled picture of paradise thin as supermodels and twice as fuckable

But I know your secret heartaches, heartbreaks,
the rapid beating your heart makes
midnight calls to the receptive, the captive
bound by furtive glances, light touches
accidental and interactive

I know the places you escape to
When you feel your self crumble, feel your heart rumble
no one there for you
no one to lift you, hold you, save you

And when you’re lost
When you’re lonely
the one and only
will you phone me?

tell me lies to test me?
’cause the truth is more painful
more precious

Let me tell you a story, not of blind ambition
or heroics won by strength
but of struggling endurance when my strength failed me
I’ll tell you a story of being brought to my knees
stripped of any physical dignity
…and how I survived the cold winter of my soul
forcing myself to jump over my shadow
again, then again, and again

I’ll tell you a story of how I loved someone
and never spoke it
’cause the game was over before it even began
won by heroes of undeniable talent, good looks and fame
she enters a world of more of the same
and love is never best served cold

I wish I could tell you suicide poems
standing on the edge of tall building poems
– gun to mouth poems
but my will will not let me
give in to what controls me, extorts me, contorts me

How do you catch a shooting star?
close your eyes, prepare for the burn
Then burn

Lay your small hands upon my chest
Tell me: who do you love best?
count down your finger list of
the best dressed, least stressed, most caressed
Am I on this list? Do I meet the test?

I don’t fit your pretty mold
I don’t rise to your threshold
– out in the cold

I’ll tell you this much, and don’t forget, never forget:
I am a Cirque du Soleil spectacle
I would leave you wide-eyed amazed
a gasp would rise at my unveiling
and you would gratefully lay your naked body at my feet
in grateful defeat

I’ll tell you this much, and don’t forget, never forget
I am that which you lack
are you fond of what you lack?
And did you know this is about you?

How do you catch a shooting star?
best to watch from afar
but if you must, armor your heart in asbestos, kevlar and
diamond coat steel.
Flag a passing comet,
rise to the challenge
prepare for defeat
and the taste of ashes
give up before you start
sacrifice your heart
prepare for the burning
your single heart yearning
and burn.